


Badfic Bingo Blackout

by penguinchick88



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Deliberate Badfic, M/M, badly written sex scene, but only for part of the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 09:31:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguinchick88/pseuds/penguinchick88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean secretly reads destiel fanfics so Castiel writes one too. Dean reads and reviews. Dean appreciates the effort, but not really much else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Badfic Bingo Blackout

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of this post: http://preservedcucumbers.tumblr.com/post/42987977372  
> Mary Sue was a free space, so I didn’t have one, sorry. And I don't know entire sentences of Japanese, but there are some random words here and there.

Dean glanced over his shoulder.

He didn’t technically need to, since both Sam and Castiel had just left to go to the grocery store and wouldn’t be back for at least an hour. Not for the first time, Dean felt glad that the bunker was pretty much in the middle of nowhere.

See, Dean had a secret. If Sam found out, he’d never hear the end of it. If Castiel found out, he’d never be able to meet his eyes again. If both of them found out, he’d kill himself. Like, seppuku—the whole nine yards in dying of shame.

He really didn’t check that often. It’s not like he was obsessed or anything. He was just mildly curious.

He turned back to the laptop and typed ‘destiel’ in the search bar.

It’s not like he ever actually read any of the fanfictions he looked up. Well, he’d skimmed a few, but just to see what kinds of things people said about them and laugh about how ridiculous and untrue these things were. And to occasionally jot down some quick notes.

Okay, that sounded a lot creepier than the reality. In reality, Dean was just terrible with words and needed some help with expressing himself. It was sort of like hiring a bunch of free-lancing professionals to examine his life and determine how he should say things.

Dean wrote down, “I don’t need you for your powers, I need you for _you_!”

That was a good line. He hadn’t thought that Cas might not understand what he had meant in purgatory and again in the crypt. But he could see now how it might sound.

Of course the novels stopped after the apocalypse that didn’t happen, but some authors online liked to write pretty interesting speculations on what might happen after the series ended. This fic in particular was interesting because the Dean in it had also at one point told the fic-Cas that he needed him, breaking Cas’ fic-mind-control. The circumstances were different, but Dean thought it was pretty amazing that the author knew Dean’s character well enough to predict something he actually did end up saying.

Dean figured that if the author was so perceptive on Dean’s side, the author probably understood Cas pretty well too.

Ever since Cas became human and showed up at the bunker, he had been weirdly distant, but only with Dean. Cas got along with Sam just fine, and that irked Dean to no end.

In a fit of frustration after a night of failed eye-contact, Dean googled something ridiculous like, “how to make my ex-angel best friends meet my eyes and not hang out with my brother so much”. Oddly enough, the only results he got were some Destiel fanfictions.

Dean had immediately closed the laptop, but after a few days, his curiosity got the best of him. He’d been aware of the ‘Destiel’ phenomenon since he had read the last books that Chuck posted online before he disappeared.

Some of the stories were really well-written. It didn’t hurt that Dean was a little bit in love with Cas.

He doesn’t remember when he first realized it, only that it had slowly sunk into him, starting after they had reunited in purgatory. He wasn’t really a verbal person, so the first time he had thought the words ‘in love’, he hadn’t really been surprised. That feeling had been there for quite a while.

Anyway, the ‘not being a verbal person’ thing was where the fanfiction came in. Not only did they help him guess at what Cas was thinking, but they provided him with decent methods of testing out dialogue without actually saying it.

And today he learned that Cas probably didn’t realize that he hadn’t been talking about his powers when Dean had said he needed him.

\---

A week and a fixed-misunderstanding later, Cas was finally acting like Cas again. The long stares, accidental touches, and small smiles returned full force, and Dean was practically on cloud nine.

Actually on cloud nine would be fucking Cas, but that Dean could wait for. He wanted to take this whatever it was slowly. Besides, he wasn’t really ready to suggest the upgrade from friendship thing that he so desperately wanted. He was, for the moment, just happy to have his best friend back.

But that lukewarm satisfaction shattered when the unthinkable happened.

Dean was reading the paper and drinking his coffee one morning while Sam was out for a run. He startled when he realized Cas was standing over him and ended up spilling hot coffee on his robe.

“Damn it, Cas!”

Then Dean noticed that Cas was fidgeting. His cheeks were pink and he was holding something behind his back. Dean raised an eyebrow.

Cas pulled a worn notebook from behind his back and Dean’s world ended.

That was his ‘Destiel Research Journal’. Dean didn’t notice that he was now actually pouring coffee on himself.

Cas started talking before Dean could find anything lethal. “Dean, I’m sorry I intruded on your privacy. I did not know this was your notebook. I found it in the laundry room and… Well, I couldn’t stop reading once I knew what it was about.”

Dean would have been mortified enough if he hadn’t just updated it. With a love confession section. Hey, it didn’t hurt to plan for the future, right?

If only Dean hadn’t explicitly labeled each section and sourced the original fanfiction for future reference.

Dean could barely hear Cas over his own humiliation, but he suddenly tuned in when Cas’ voice went soft.

“I am humbled, Dean, that I matter so much to you that you would conduct research so that we could improve our communication.” Cas went completely red. “I wanted to show my devotion to you by also conducting research. I’ve read countless fanfictions in the last week, though I focused on short ones for a larger sample size, and I compiled a list of the most common themes in our fictional confession scenes.”

What the fuck was Cas even saying? Dean felt the beginnings of relief as it slowly sunk in that Cas seemed to not only feel the same way that Dean did, but was ready for a ‘confession scene’.

Cas rushed on relentlessly. “I synthesized these tropes into a hypothetical scene of my own concoction and wrote it down in the format that reflects that of the data collected. I believed that this ‘fanfiction’ format would be most appropriate and easy to understand.”

Cas stepped closer and met Dean’s gaze with completely sincere eyes. “I was hoping that you could look over this scene and judge its plausibility and potential to properly resolve things.” He glanced away shyly. “If it is to your liking, we could then reenact it in reality.”

Dean’s breath rushed out of him. He stared at Cas in amazement and swallowed. “Yeah, Cas. That’d be great.”

Dean couldn’t even laugh at the fact that Cas had basically just told him to ‘pls read & review’.

He opened the book with shaking hands and, okay, he kind of snorted at the title.

\---

_Destiel Fanfiction_

_Dean and Castel was sittin in da hotel room… When d screamed!_

_Dean: AAUUUUUGGHHHH!!!!!!! where the f is sam_

_Cas: idk (authers note: if u dk wut this means, you need to get online moar! LOL!)_

_Dean: I don’t want to b alone w/ u_

_Cas: why :’(_

_Dean: because I love you and you make me nervASS (authors note: get it? There gay!)_

_Crap dean did not mean to say that!!!!!!!!_

_Cas gasped (woah that rhymed)_

_Cas was so happy since he loved dean soooo much_

_Dean was blushing and it was so KAWAII (AN: if u dk what this means, u need to learn Japanese)_

_Cas: Dean-kun, ilu so much and……….i………want to……..HAVE TEH SEX!_

_d-kun gasped_

_D; cas u r so FUCKING HOT!!!! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DIRTY TALK?????_

_C; I practused for you, d-sama <3 :))))))_

_D; OOOHHHH CAS!!!_

_Dan and cas took off there clothes. Cas looked rally embarrassed all a sudden._

_D; wuts wrong, babyangel-kun?_

_C:……..I no im not a woman, d-kun, and I no u don like my body mabee u shud close ur eyes when we do it_

_Dean felt a single tear roll down his face (AN: just like he always does in the book!!! If u don know wat im talking about…………………….ur not a TRUE FAN)_

_D: cas u r so beautiful and amazing let me sing u a song_

_AN: omg I love this song and its so perf I think of destiel evertime_

> YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE  
>  YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL  
>  THAT’S WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL

  


_Cas smiled and took out his member_

_Deans cock was weeping at the sight_

_Dean coulnt hold back anymore and he slammed cas against the wall_

_Cas eyes went wide like he was rally surprised_

_Dean kissed the crap out of cas he stuck his tongue through his lips and down his throat, like his tongue was a claw in a machine trying to reach in and grab the toy, but its really hard so you keep doing it until ur mom stops giving u quarters_

_They explored eachothers mouths while Dean lifted cas-kun like he was a girl and slammed his big, weeping manhood inside cas’ moist cavern_

_C: DEAN OOHHHHHH AUGGNN MMMMM cas moaned when he broke the kiss_

_It hurt a little at first but deans huge 9 inch cock found his sweet spot_

_Dean hit cases prostate everytime and cas was so close to cumming_

_Finally dean gripped cas’ cock like when cas gripped him tight and raised him from perdition and cas came all over dean :D_

_Dean wasn’t done yet so he kept slamming into cas like and making delicious animal noises_

_Dean couldn’t stop fucking! He was like a lion clamming his mate_

_Cas tightend his ring of muscle around dean’s love stick and dean screamed ‘CAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ as he shot his white sticky baby making fluid into cas_

_They stared into each others eyes_

_D; ur eyes are so aoi just like safires_

_C: ur eyes are SO MIDORI just like emeralds_

_Both: ilu_

_AN: OMG firstfic! Wat did u think????? R &R pls! sorry if they were OOC but I wanted to skip to the sex part and sorry I gave u a rally lame summary, I suck at them THANK U_

\---

Dean stared at the paper longer than was probably necessary. What. The fuck. Was that.

“…Cas?”

Cas started babbling. “I had a very limited dataset because of the timing, but I tried my best to write it in the complex jargon that seems to be fluently spoke in the fanfiction world and-”

“Cas, it’s perfect.” Dean grins up at Cas. It’s probably a little weird that he wants to frame the story and hang it in his bedroom, but Dean’s too happy to care.

Oh, Cas. He really did try his best, and Dean can’t find it in himself to criticize.

Besides, the dude probably went to fanfiction.net for his research. Of course he did.

And really, Cas had pretty much captured the gist of what was going to happen. Dean was going to tell Cas he loved him. Dean was going to kiss him and tell him how amazing he was.

And Dean was most certainly going to fuck him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first Supernatural fic and I thought it was pretty funny, so I hope you did too!  
> I feel just a little bit like I should apologize.


End file.
